I know, it has been awhile.

The last time I wrote was in December. For the record, I started an entry on January 2, which read something like this:

It's a new year. It's a new decade. It was both a huge pleasure and a huge relief to use the double newness as an excuse to start my own holiday traditions and a fresh lifestyle (see post 1). In my quest to value the holidays for reasons self-discovered, I found both the trueness of many popularized Christmas themes AND ways to accept that which fell outside the periphery of acceptable holiday activity. More importantly, "the holiday spirit" found me in ways I hadn't imagined. Perhaps the big secret of the season is that it finds you when and where you least expect.

But in the universe's typical fashion, as soon as I felt like I had gripped on to some sense of illumination, something close to a small universal truth, I was whipped flat on my butt. Part of the "letting go" mentality that I'm trying to adopt is preventing me from being too specific, these things have happened over the course of a month and I'm still trying situate them more digestibly in regions of my heart and mind. And then of course, there are some things that you simply can't and would never want to let go of... Here's the month in sum:

Norman:

I'm writing about Norman first because his story is absolutely the most important. People often imagine that they could swap lives with someone, most the time with someone rich or famous or powerful. When I think about who I would want to be, if given the opportunity, it's Norman. Hands down. Generally, I am an aloof and introverted person. Because this is my nature (if I don't come off this way, it's because I'm trying), I spend a lot of time in public listening and observing. Norman is everything I wish I had in me; he's vivacious and curious, has a tenacity for life and learning and does both very well. He's genuinely interested in everyone, and can walk into a room and immediately make friends with most people. Not only that, he's nurturing and caring and brave and brilliant. So when seventy-three percent of Norman's body was burned in a fire, I felt guilty. How could such a bright light be hurt so badly when a far less-magnetic person is carrying on as usual? Well, I'm never going to figure out how the fairness of the world works. To this day, Norman has hundreds of people on the edge of their seats, following his recovery. Though I may worry about Norman, I won't be scared for him anymore. He would think that's silly, after all. Because for Norman succeeding isn't really a possibility, it's definite. It's just a matter of time.

They say you can never go home:

Well, for me, that's the truth. Let's leave it at that. But the stress of living like somewhat of a nomad has taken up a lot of time, and has finally settled on a pretty peaceful setup, thanks to so many people. I've said it before; family is who you make it, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Clean:

So in the wake of a falling out with my mother, the hospitalization of a friend, and the mounting stress of so many foreboding decisions, I was stress drinking, caffeinating, and many other awful things. I decided to do a four day cleanse/detox. Today is the fourth and last day, and bodily, I feel great. The Clean Detox is a little untraditional, you have various specific smoothies for breakfast and dinner, and eat very specific solids for lunch. Truth be known, I'm starving, probably because I'm one of the most coffee drinking, starch eating, sugar consuming people out there. But I am noticing huge differences in the way I feel, my moods, my appreciation for food and for sitting down with a meal. It's been a very good experience, and not incredibly difficult, I would highly recommend it. Here are some of the things I came up within the lunch boundaries, and actually they were all pretty fabulous.

Cool and KFTC:

Recently I was sitting at the Nach Bar, drinking something potent and pondering so many things that I've normalized in recent months. I think a bar, like English Court, is as good a place as any to observe the anthropology of hierarchal social systems and their implications. I started to work some of this out in my mind, how research could be conducted, who would be at the top of the tower, and so on... when I realized something: I don't care. I don't.

This realization came as a surprise to me because there was a point in my life where I actually was really concerned about peoples perception of me and my world. I guess that's part of growing up, you realize that trying hard to be something or in something that doesn't come naturally is an infinite waste of time. Yesterday was the KFTC I Love Mountains Day Rally in Frankfort. I Love Mountains Day is a peaceful reminder to Frankfort that people care about preserving mountains, streams, Appalachian heritage and health, while demanding initiatives toward clean energy and green jobs. Like all things, there are certainly social and political motives for people to involve themselves with philanthropic enterprises, however most people just really care about an issue. For me, this was a golden reminder that I am genuinely far more interested in issues unrelated to any social ladder or landscape: I'm interested in justice and education and fairness, in not blasting off some of the most biologically diverse and oldest mountains on the planet, in equality, dendrology, immigration, so many things. Anyway realizing that I don't have to change anything about myself to garner any sort of "identity" is really quite comforting. And though I probably will always soak up the scene, it's comforting to know that I'm just a tourist, passing through.